Marriage.com: Qhia peb me ntsis txog koj tus kheej thiab koj phau ntawv Angel On A Surfboard: A Mystical Romance Novel That Explore The Keys To Deep Love.
David Essel: Peb tus naj npawb tshiab ib qho muag zoo tshaj plaws tsis txaus ntseeg tshiab, "Angel On A Surfboard", yog ib phau ntawv tshwj xeeb tshaj plaws uas kuv tau sau dua.
Thiab lub ntsiab lus tseem ceeb yog kev nkag siab dab tsi thaiv peb los ntawm kev tsim kev hlub sib sib zog nqus. Kuv tau siv peb lub lis piam thiab mus ncig ntawm cov kob Hawaiian txhawm rau txhawm rau sau ib phau ntawv, thiab qhov txiaj ntsig kawg tau zoo kawg nkaus.
Nov yog kuv phau ntawv thib 10, plaub ntawm uas tau dhau los ua tus lej muag khoom zoo tshaj plaws, thiab txij li peb tau tham txog txiv neej thiab kev sib txuas lus txhua tus txiv neej hauv ntiaj teb yuav tau txais txiaj ntsig zoo los ntawm kev nyeem phau ntawv tshiab no.
Kuv pib hauv ntiaj teb ntawm kev loj hlob ntawm tus kheej 40 xyoo dhau los, thiab txuas ntxiv niaj hnub no raws li pom tseeb tus kws sau ntawv, tus kws pab tswv yim thiab Tus Xib Fwb Qhia Lub Neej. Peb ua haujlwm nrog tib neeg los ntawm thoob plaws lub ntiaj teb txhua hnub ntawm lub lim tiam dhau los ntawm xov tooj, Skype thiab peb tseem coj cov neeg siv khoom hauv peb lub chaw haujlwm Fort Myers Florida.
Marriage.com: Ntau tus txiv neej tawm tsam nrog kev qhia lawv txoj kev xav, qhov no yuav tsis yog thawj zaug uas ib tus neeg tau nthuav tawm qhov tseeb tias tshwj tsis yog koj hloov qhov no, feem ntau ntawm koj kev sib raug zoo yuav muaj kev ntxhov siab thiab ua yeeb yam.
Vim li cas qhov no? Vim li cas txiv neej thiaj muaj lub sijhawm nyuaj los ntsib nrog, thiab sib qhia lawv txoj kev xav thiab kev sib raug zoo?
David Essel: Cov lus teb yog yooj yim tiag tiag: kev nco qab loj.
Yuav luag txhua tus txiv neej uas tau tsa hauv zej zog niaj hnub no tau nyob ib puag ncig los ntawm cov txiv neej uas tsis tau qhia paub yuav ua li cas txhawm rau kov lawv tus kheej kev xav thiab qhov tob xav tau txhawm rau nkag siab peb lub siab thiab lwm tus. Yog li thaum koj tau tsa nyob rau hauv ib haiv neeg uas tsis muaj nuj nqis rau tus txiv neej uas tuaj yeem sib tham nrog nws txoj kev xav, feem ntau cov txiv neej yuav txaj muag ntawm txawm tias sim tshawb xyuas qhov ntawd ntawm lawv lub neej.
Qhov tsis muaj peev xwm ua cov kev xav thiab kev sib txuas lus tseem yuav cuam tshuam qhov kev nkag siab ntawm yam txiv neej xav tau hauv kev sib raug zoo.
1. Marriage.com: Dab tsi yog qee txoj hauv kev uas txiv neej tuaj yeem kawm sib txuas lus tau zoo?
David Essel: Tus naj npawb ib, los ntawm kev koom tes nrog lawv tus kheej kev xav thiab kev xav. Qhov no yog ua tau yooj yim. Hauv peb kev sib tham nrog cov txiv neej uas xav ua tus sib txuas lus zoo dua, kuv xub hais kom lawv pib sib tham nrog lawv tus kheej.
Thaum lawv zoo siab heev, Kuv nug lawv kom sau ntawv txog dab tsi tsim qhov kev txaus siab ntawd. Yog tias lawv npau taws heev, lawv muaj kev tawm dag zog los pab nkag siab tias vim li cas lawv npau taws, npau taws lossis npau taws.
Yog tias lawv dhuav, kuv muaj lawv sau txog dab tsi tshwm sim hauv lawv lub neej uas yuav tsim kev tsis txaus siab.
Hauv lwm lo lus, yog tias koj tuaj yeem ua tau zoo dua nrog koj tus kheej kev xav, koj yuav muaj lub sijhawm zoo los nthuav qhia lawv thaum xav tau.
2. Marriage.com: Yuav ua li cas tus txiv leej tub uas yuav txaj muag heev hauv lawv txoj kev sib tham nug nws tus khub kom rub rov qab? Qhov ntawd yog ib yam uas txiv neej xav tau tab sis yeej tsis thov, ntshai tsam raug snubbed.
David Essel: Qhov no yooj yim heev! Muab kom muab koj tus khub rub rov qab ua ntej. Siv koj lub sijhawm. Muab lawv cov backrub zoo tshaj plaws uas lawv tau muaj hauv lawv lub neej.
Thiab tom qab ntawd, nug lawv seb lawv puas xav ua ib yam rau koj, hnub no lossis lwm hnub. Muab kev xaiv rau lawv!
Qhov no qhib lub qhov rooj kom nug txog yam koj xav tau, los ntawm kev muab lwm tus rau qee yam uas lawv xav tau ua ntej.
3. Marriage.com: Ib yam uas txiv neej xav tau hauv kev sib raug zoo yog ntau yam hauv lawv lub neej kev sib deev. Dab tsi yog cov lus qhia zoo rau txiv neej uas xav nug lawv tus khub rau lawv lub neej kev sib deev kom muaj ntau yam ntxiv?
David Essel: Kev ua plees ua yi muaj ntau heev hauv kev sib raug zoo mus ntev. Tus txiv neej uas xav tau ntau yam ntxiv kuj tseem yuav nkag siab tias nws yuav raug tsis lees paub thiab qhov ntawd yog lawm.
Tsuas yog vim koj xav tau qee yam, tsis txhais tau tias koj tus khub yuav xav tau ib yam, yog li peb yuav tsum tau qhib qhov tseeb tias yog peb tham txog qee yam zoo li ntau yam tshiab ntawm txoj haujlwm kev sib deev uas lawv yuav pib ua tiv thaiv, lossis xav tias lawv tsis zoo txaus li lawv.
Kuv yuav pib tham nrog kuv cov neeg siv khoom tham nrog lawv tus khub txog kev sib deev uas lawv nyiam heev, tias lawv tus khub ua tau zoo heev.
Peb qhib lub qhov rooj kom qhib kev xav ntau ntxiv txog kev sib deev thaum peb ua tiav peb tus khub ntawm yam lawv tab tom ua tam sim no uas peb hlub tiag.
Cov kauj ruam tom ntej yuav yog nug tus khub puas muaj qee yam kev sib deev lossis khoom ua si uas lawv tsis tau siv dua tab sis ib txwm xav tau?
Koj puas tau xav ua lub luag haujlwm sib deev? Hauv lwm lo lus, Kuv yuav nug lawv cov lus nug txog yam lawv yuav nyiam ua kev sib deev sib txawv, ua ntej muab rau peb cov koom tes cov tswv yim ntawm yam peb xav tau.
Koj tseem tuaj yeem nug lawv yog tias lawv xav saib ib qho CD kev kawm kev sib deev, muaj ntau txhiab tus nyob hauv khw, lossis yog lawv xav mus ntsib kws tshaj lij tham txog kev txhim kho lawv txoj kev sib raug zoo los ntawm kev sib deev thiab lwm yam kev nyiam.
Ib yam uas txiv neej xav tau hauv kev sib raug zoo yog kev sib deev zoo siab, nrog ntau chav rau qhov tshiab, tab sis tsis yog tus nqi ntawm kev ua phem rau lawv tus khub.
Muab lawv ua ntej hauv kev sib txuas lus, thiab koj yuav sau cov khoom plig hauv txoj kev.
4. Marriage.com: Hauv qhov ntau ntawm cov txiv neej xav tau hauv kev sib raug zoo yog kev hwm. Tus txiv neej tus khub nug li cas txog kev hwm me ntsis? Qhov tseeb, ua qhov ntawd ntau.
David Essel: Yog tias peb tsis tau txais kev hwm los ntawm peb tus khub, npaj tau, nws yog peb qhov txhaum, tsis yog lawv li. Peb qhia lwm tus txog kev kho peb, nws yog cov lus qub uas yog 100% raug.
Codependency, hauv kuv txoj haujlwm, yog kev quav yeeb quav tshuaj loj tshaj plaws hauv ntiaj teb, thiab yog tias koj nyob nrog koj tus khub, lawv yuav tsis hwm koj txhua. Rau cov poj niam, leej twg pom lawv tus kheej tab tom nrhiav cov lus teb rau lo lus nug, "ua li cas koj thiaj ua rau txiv leej tub txaus siab rau koj?", Qhov teeb meem tseem ceeb tshaj plaws uas yuav tsum zam yog kev sib koom nrog tus khub.
Yog tias koj yuav tsum qhia rau lwm tus, tias koj tsis txaus siab npaum li cas lawv haus, thiab lub sijhawm tom ntej lawv qaug cawv koj yuav siv sijhawm 90 hnub sib cais los ntawm kev sib raug zoo, koj tus khub yuav tsuas hwm koj yog tias koj ua raws koj cov lus.
Yog li yog tias lawv qaug cawv dua, thiab koj tsis cais lawv los ntawm 90 hnub, lawv yuav tsis muaj kev hwm rau koj thiab qhov ntawd tsuas yog ib qho piv txwv.
Txhua lub sijhawm peb qhia tus khub, tias peb tsis xav kom lawv ua XY lossis Z, thiab lawv ua nws, thiab peb tsis muaj qhov tsim nyog, peb tsuas yog poob kev hwm. Thiab peb yuav tsum plam kev hwm tag nrho yog tias peb tsis kam ua raws peb tus kheej cov lus.
5. Marriage.com: Ib yam uas txiv neej xav tau hauv kev sib raug zoo yog lawv tus poj niam koom nrog ua haujlwm. Koj yuav qhia dab tsi rau tus txiv neej tus khub uas xav kom lwm tus tseem ceeb ua thawj qhov kev txav hauv lawv txoj kev sib raug zoo?
David Essel: Kuv yuav qhia lawv kom nrhiav tus khub tseem ceeb. Lawv mloog zoo heev, tej zaum yog introvert, thiab yog tias lawv ntshai ua thawj qhov kev txav tom qab ntawd lawv yuav tsum nrhiav ib tus neeg uas tsis ntshai ua thawj qhov kev txav mus, ib tus neeg uas yuav yog tus thawj coj hauv kev sib raug zoo.
6. Marriage.com: Nws yuav qhia nws tus khub li cas tias nws xav tau kev txhawb siab?
David Essel: Txhua tus xav tau kev txhawb siab, qee zaum ntau zaus ntau dua li lwm tus. Ib txoj hauv kev zoo tshaj plaws kom tau txais kev txhawb siab yog kom muaj ib tus neeg uas yuav mloog koj yam tsis muab lus qhia.
Kuv qhia txhua tus ntawm kuv cov neeg siv khoom txiv neej, thaum lawv zaum thiab lawv xav tham nrog lawv tus khub txog qee qhov kev nyuaj siab uas lawv tab tom mus, pib nqe lus nrog qee yam xws li "Kuv xav qhia qee yam uas nyuaj siab heev hauv kuv lub neej tam sim no. , Kuv yuav nyiam nws yog tias koj tsuas yog mloog, tuav kuv txhais tes tab sis tsis muab lus qhia rau kuv. Kuv tsuas yog xav tau qhov no tawm ntawm kuv lub hauv siab. "
Qhov no yog tej yam yees siv uas nws ua haujlwm.
7. Marriage.com: Wb hais tias nws tsuas yog xav nrog nws cov phooj ywg hmo no?
David Essel: Qhov tseem ceeb tshaj plaws thaum peb tab tom tham txog kev siv sijhawm deb ntawm peb txoj kev sib raug zoo yog muab rau peb cov koom tes pom zoo tias peb yuav tawm nrog phooj ywg nyob rau ib hnub thiab sijhawm.
Hauv lwm lo lus, yog tias koj paub tias koj yuav ua daim npav nrog koj cov phooj ywg yav tsaus ntuj hnub Thursday tom ntej, thiab koj tos txog hnub Wednesday los qhia rau koj tus khub, qhov ntawd tsis tsim nyog kiag li.
Thaum koj paub tias koj yuav siv sijhawm nrog phooj ywg, peb yuav tsum qhia qhov ntawd kom txhua tus nyob hauv nkoj.
8. Marriage.com: Yuav ua li cas txiv leej tub uas yuav txaj muag heev hauv lawv txoj kev sib tham nug lawv tus khub tias lawv tsuas xav tau qee lub sijhawm xwb?
David Essel: Hauv kev sib txuas lus, cia kuv rov hais dua, vim qhov no tseem ceeb heev, kev tsis lees paub yog ib feem ntawm qhov kev ua si.
Nkag siab, yog tias koj xav tau sijhawm nyob ib leeg, koj tus khub yuav tsis pom zoo lossis tsis nyiam nws tab sis peb tsis tuaj yeem nqa lawv cov kev xav nrog peb.
Peb yuav tsum muaj lub zog qhia rau lawv paub tias peb yuav siv sijhawm los ua ABC, txawm li cas los xij, thiab lub sijhawm poob haujlwm yog qhov tsim nyog rau txhua tus hauv txhua txoj kev sib raug zoo. Ntawm ob peb yam txiv neej xav tau hauv kev sib raug zoo yog lub sijhawm poob qis thiab yog tias koj yog poj niam nyeem qhov no, koj tuaj yeem qhia qee qhov kev hlub rau koj tus neeg zoo los ntawm kev ua kom haum dua qhov ntawd.
Cov khub niam txiv uas ua "txhua yam" ua ke, feem ntau hlawv tawm.
9. Marriage.com: Dab tsi yog txoj hauv kev zoo rau tus txiv neej nug lawv tus khub tias lawv xav kom nws qhia lawv kev sib deev ntau dua li qhov lawv tau txais?
David Essel: Ib txwm pib nrog kev qhuas. "Zib ntab Kuv nyiam txoj kev uas koj ua qhov ncauj sib deev ntawm kuv, nws tsis txaus ntseeg txhua lub sijhawm!"
Los yog xijpeem koj nyiam tshaj plaws ntawm kev sib deev nrog koj tus khub yog, ntxiv rau lawv. Tsis txhob dag, tab sis qhuas lawv thiab qhov lawv ua tau zoo.
Tom qab ntawd, koj tuaj yeem hais "Kuv nyiam qhov uas koj ua qhov ncauj sib deev ntawm kuv, thiab kuv xav tsis thoob yog tias koj tuaj yeem ua qhov no". Xijpeem "qhov no" yuav yog.
Hauv lwm lo lus, ntau tus koom tes yuav txaj muag yog tias koj hais rau lawv "tshuab kuv lub siab qhia kuv txhua qhov kev sib deev uas koj muaj", tab sis yog tias koj coj lawv mus txoj kev ntawd qeeb, lawv yuav qhib sai dua.
10. Marriage.com: Tom qab ua haujlwm ntau lub lim tiam, nws yog qhov kawg ntawm lub asthiv, thiab txhua yam koj xav tau yog rau koj tus khub ua tus coj ntawm yam lawv ua hmo no. Yuav ua li cas lawv tuaj yeem coj qhov ntawd tsis hais lus?
David Essel: Kuv ib txwm txhawb kom tib neeg sib txuas lus super openly, tsuas yog tso nws tawm ntawm kab.
"Zib ntab, lub lim tiam no tau vwm, Kuv yuav thov kom koj mus tom ntej thiab npaj phiaj xwm hmo no, Kuv yuav ua txhua yam koj xav ua yog tias nws yog yeeb yaj kiab, noj hmo. Kuv tsuas yog thov kom koj them tus nqi ntawm hmo no, Kuv yuav ntsib koj thaum xya. "
Hom email lossis kab ntawv no yuav tsum raug xa thaum sawv ntxov lossis thaum ntxov thaum nruab hnub, muab sijhawm rau lawv xav ntau. Yog tias lawv thawb rov qab thiab hais tias lawv tsis paub, cia nws mus.
Lossis koj tuaj yeem lossis nug lawv kom npaj rau hmo tom ntej yog tias lawv xav tias nyob rau ntawm qhov chaw kom ua hnub no. Rau cov poj niam, ib yam uas cov txiv neej xav tau los ntawm koj yog tus nqi thiab hu rau kev txhaj tshuaj ntawm cov phiaj xwm hnub tim qee zaum, yog li nws tsuas tuaj yeem txaus siab thaum ua tsaug rau nws cov hnub qub uas tau tsaws nrog tus khub zoo.