Zoo Siab
- 1. Lawv tsis muaj sijhawm rau koj
- 2. Kev hlub yog tawm ntawm lub qhov rais
- 3. Lawv tsis ua rau koj yog qhov muaj feem thib
- 4. Lawv tsis xav sib cav
- 5. Lawv yws yws yooj yim
- 6. Lawv sim ua rau koj ntxhov siab
- 7. Lawv qhia koj saib tsis taus
Qee qhov kev sib raug zoo ya sib nrug hauv kev npau taws, kev sib cav, thiab kev xav. Hauv lwm qhov xwm txheej, qhov kev hloov pauv hloov maj mam, nrog rau kev ncua deb zuj zus ntawm cov neeg koom tes kom txog thaum, tag li tam sim ntawd, nws dhau los dhau mus hla.
Qee zaum, ib tus neeg yuav nkag siab qhov kev sib cav sib ceg. Lwm lub sijhawm, nws zoo nkaus li xiav thiab txhua yam lawv tuaj yeem ua tau yog saib kev sib raug zoo nyob ib puag ncig lawv thiab xav tsis thoob tias lawv tuaj yeem ua dab tsi txawv.
Dab tsi yog qee yam qhia tias koj tus khub poob kev txaus siab thiab yuav ua li cas yog tias koj xav tias koj tus khub tsis txaus siab rau koj li kev sib raug zoo? Nov yog qee qhov ceeb toom qhia tias koj tus khub yuav poob kev txaus siab.
1. Lawv tsis muaj sijhawm rau koj
Yog tias nws zoo li koj tus khub yog zam koj lossis yog tias lawv ib txwm tshuab cov phiaj xwm rau ib qho laj thawj lossis lwm qhov, tej zaum yuav muaj kev txhawj xeeb.
Carrie Krawiec, tau ntawv tso cai sib yuav thiab tsev neeg kho mob ntawm Birmingham Maple Clinic hauv Troy, Michigan, hais tias khub niam txiv yuav tsum ua haujlwm txheeb xyuas seb yam twg yog lub sijhawm zoo rau ib leeg thiab ua rau nws muaj feem thib ib.
Nws tau hais tias "Muaj qhov txuas ntxiv ntawm ib sab mus rau tim ntsej tim muag thiab tib neeg sib txawv txaus siab nrog qib sib txawv," nws hais. "Tib neeg yuav tsum paub txog lawv qhov kev nyiam, nrog rau lawv tus khub thiab lees paub 'lub sijhawm zoo' yuav tsum suav nrog me ntsis ntawm qhov txaus siab rau koj txhua tus."
2. Kev hlub yog tawm ntawm lub qhov rais
Txawm tias koj yog siv sijhawm nrog koj tus khub, qhov ntawd tsis tau txhais hais tias lub txim tsis tau tawm mus.
Koj tus khub yuav tsum tsis txhob tuav tes lossis muaj kev hlub, tsis quav ntsej txog qhov txaus siab rau koj, nyiam tso lawv lub ntsej muag mus, thiab kev sib deev yuav nyob deb thiab tsis nco qab. Tag nrho cov no tuaj yeem yog cov cim qhia tias yog koj li kev sib raug zoo tuaj yeem poob qis.
Krawiec hais tias kom tsom mus rau qhov tsawg dua ntawm kev ua tes taw loj thiab xoom rau ntawm yam me me uas yuav ua rau muaj kev nyiam ua sputtering.
Nws hais tias "Cov tes taw uas ua rau kom muaj sia nyob tsis yog hnub so loj lossis lingerie lacy," nws hais. "Feem ntau, nws yog lab lub sijhawm me me. Cov ntawv me me, kov me me, lossis qhia qhov nyiam me me thiab tsis nyiam lossis kev ntshai, kev cia siab, thiab kev npau suav tuaj yeem ua rau peb xav tau hluav taws xob rau ib leeg. "
3. Lawv tsis ua rau koj yog qhov muaj feem thib
Koj yuav tsum tau los ua ntej hauv kev sib raug zoo.Ua ntej, ib txwm yuav yog lub sijhawm uas cov menyuam muaj qhov muaj feem thib, tab sis tus lej hauv ib qho kev sib raug zoo yuav tsum yog ib leeg.
Yog tias koj tus khub xav paub ua phooj ywg ntau dua thiab nyiam ua lwm yam haujlwm yam nyiam, tom qab ntawd lawv tsis yog noj kev sib raug zoo. Txhawm rau nkag mus rau lub hauv paus ntawm qhov no, Krawiec hais tias nws yog ib qho tseem ceeb kom nkag siab txog dab tsi yog kev tsav tus txij nkawm mus ua lwm yam dej num.
Puas yog lawv ua haujlwm ntau dhau vim lawv ntxub nyob hauv tsev lossis vim tias lawv tab tom sim muab rau lawv tsev neeg? Thiab dab tsi hloov pauv koj tus kheej txoj kev xav txog yuav ua li cas koj niam thiab txiv cuam tshuam nrog ib leeg?
"Piv txwv li," nws hais tias, "ib tus neeg uas pom ib tus niam txiv raug yuam ua haujlwm ntawm lwm tus yuav muaj txiaj ntsig tso cai rau txhua tus neeg xaiv thiab yuav pom qhov no yog lub cim ntawm 'kev noj qab haus huv.' Dab tsi ua haujlwm hauv ib qho kev sib raug zoo yog qhov ua haujlwm rau ob tus neeg no tsis yog ua raws qee qhov kev pom zoo thoob ntiaj teb txog 'Txhua khub niam txiv yuav tsum xav siv sijhawm nyob ua ke.' "
4. Lawv tsis xav sib cav
Koj yuav xav tias qhov tsis sib xws yuav muaj tseeb - qhov kev sib cav yuav yog lub cim qhia tias kev sib yuav yog teeb meem.
Tab sis qhov tseeb yog, kev tsis sib haum xeeb tshwm sim txhua lub sijhawm hauv kev sib raug zoo thiab yog tias koj tus khub yuav nyob ntsiag to tsis txhob tham txog qhov teeb meem, nws yog lub cim ntawm teeb meem. Nws tuaj yeem txhais tau tias lawv tsis xav kho cov teeb meem hauv kev sib raug zoo lawm.
Krawiec hais tias "Stonewalling, lossis kaw, yog lwm qhov ntawm John Gottman plaub tus neeg caij nees ntawm lub apocalypse,"
"Cua daj cua dub tawm, kho mob ntsiag to, lossis tsis txaus siab yog txhua qhov piv txwv. Txawm hais tias kev sib tham tuaj yeem muaj kev sib cav, tig mus rau koj tus khub es tsis txhob thawb tawm thaum lub sijhawm muaj kev ntxhov siab yog qhov noj qab nyob zoo. Thaum cov khub niam txiv tuaj yeem nthuav tawm, sib qhia, nplij siab ib leeg lawv tso cov tshuaj hormones nyuaj uas zoo rau ob tus muab thiab txais. "
5. Lawv yws yws yooj yim
Yog koj tus khub pib poob kev txaus siab, txhua qhov me me, los ntawm txoj kev koj zom koj cov zaub mov mus rau lub suab ntawm koj ua pa, tuaj yeem ua rau lawv tawm, ua rau muaj kev sib ntaus thiab tsis sib haum xeeb txog qhov teeb meem tsis tseem ceeb tshaj plaws. Qhov no tuaj yeem yog lub cim ntawm kev tsis txaus siab thiab kev tsis txaus siab hauv qab ntawm qhov kev sib raug zoo.
Celia Schweyer, tus kws tshaj lij kev sib raug zoo ntawm Datingscout.com hais tias "Lwm lub sijhawm koj tawm tsam qee qhov haujlwm dag lossis tsis yog dab tsi, nug lawv tias qhov twg ua rau lawv npau taws tiag tiag," "Nws yog qhov zoo dua kom muaj kev sib tham ncaj qha tsis txhob cia qhov kev tsis txaus siab thiab kev thab plaub kom kub hnyiab thiab ua npuas."
6. Lawv sim ua rau koj ntxhov siab
Thaum ib tus neeg muaj poob kev txaus siab hauv kev sib raug zoo, lawv tuaj yeem ua qee yam xws li xaiv kev sib ntaus kom thab koj thiab tsav koj mus.
Schweyer hais tias, "Thaum kawg koj tso tseg, lawv yuav liam koj thiab qhia koj tias koj tsis ua siab ntev txaus lossis koj tsis hlub lawv txaus los ua kev sib raug zoo." Yog tias qhov no tshwm sim, ntsib nws lub taub hau, Schweyer pom zoo.
Nug lub hauv paus ntawm lawv tus cwj pwm yog dab tsi thiab qhov twg yog qhov cuam tshuam rau lawv. Yog tias lawv xav kom kev sib raug zoo ua haujlwm, lawv yuav pom txoj hauv kev los ua haujlwm thiab tsis poob rov qab rau tus cwj pwm uas ua rau muaj kev chim siab.
7. Lawv qhia koj saib tsis taus
Qhov no yog tej zaum qhov kos npe tsis zoo tshaj plaws thiab ib qho uas koj yuav tsis muaj teeb meem ntau ntxiv txog kev txheeb xyuas. Tab sis, yog tias nws tshwm sim hauv koj txoj kev sib raug zoo, nws yuav tsum tau hais tam sim.
Kev tsis pom zoo yog qhov kev sib tua kawg, ua rau tib neeg xav tias tsis muaj nqis thiab zoo li lawv cov kev xav tsis muaj teeb meem.
Krawiec hais tias "Kev saib tsis taus yog qhov tsis nyiam rau koj tus khub," "Nws yog qhov tshwj xeeb los ntawm kev hu npe, muag lub qhov muag, hais lus dag, hais lus sarcasm, txhais tau tias ua rau luag thuam. Yog muaj saib tsis taus koj kev sib raug zoo, nws yog lub cim qhia tias muaj kev mob siab rau, tsis xav tau kev xav, thiab cov peev txheej tsis txaus. "